dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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