If i come over, it means nothing
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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