Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
