Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
