Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
