Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
