When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
