It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
