marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
