from now on my penis is your penis
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
