I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
