someone owes me an orgasm
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
