So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
