She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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