Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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