OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Randomize
