Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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