so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
