my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
