I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
