Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
