I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
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