my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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