Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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