I think i peed on brittanys purse
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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