dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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