Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
