i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize