I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
