Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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