She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
