Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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