I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
