I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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