that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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