Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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