new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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