My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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