Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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