Quick, to the slutcave!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
