While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
