And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
