I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
