it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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