If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
