On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
