Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
