I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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