I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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