If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude i'm inner monologue high
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
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Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
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