I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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