I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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