This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
