I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
