Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
