i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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