You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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