she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
