Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
