So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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