At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
