Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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