K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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