I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
how drunk are you?
Several
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
