This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
