I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
