I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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