...so i touched it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
