why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
