She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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