I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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