I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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