Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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