last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
